Children’s Lit Commish: All New Picture Books Must Be Illustrated With Spirograph
In an unexpected move, the Children’s Literature Commissioner has declared that all new picture books must be illustrated using a Spirograph.
The packed press room sat in complete silence as the commissioner took out his childhood Spirograph – a drawing toy first sold in the 1960s – and made an elliptical pattern design.
“Remember these? I love this thing. The children of today have been missing out, man”, said a wistful commissioner, gazing off toward a spot above the heads of the assembled press. “But today, that changes.”
The commissioner then declared all new picture books must be illustrated completely in Spirograph patterns.
The commissioner didn’t hide his annoyance when faced with questions about the appropriateness of illustrating every picture book with geometric shapes.
“When [people] realize that every picture book has illustrations that could only be described as ‘friggin’ sweet, I’ll say ‘you’re welcome.'”
Illustrators who don’t currently own a Spirograph set (“But seriously, who doesn’t have one of these?” quipped the commissioner) can apply for a grant to receive one.
The commissioner even had some mock-ups of classic picture books that have been “cool-ified” with this new mandatory technique:
In closing, the commissioner assured the audience that “kids will dig it.”
(This is a work of fiction)
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About Travis Jonker
Travis Jonker is an elementary school librarian in Michigan. He writes reviews (and the occasional article or two) for School Library Journal and is a member of the 2014 Caldecott committee. You can email Travis at firstname.lastname@example.org, or follow him on Twitter: @100scopenotes.
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