An Exhaustive List of My Pathetic Read Aloud Injuries

You might think that reading books aloud is an easy gig. Hold the book. Read the words. Absorb the love from the adoring audience (all while playing it off like, “It’s nothing, really”).

You are wrong.

Reading books aloud is a physical challenge on the level of Over the Top, only more challenging.

If it weren’t, how do you explain this long list of ailments I suffer from as a result of reading aloud?

Sore Throat

Every year I transition from saying approximately 100 words per day in the summer to over 10,000,000 per day as a school librarian. As a result, my throat quickly becomes a raw sound cavern used for honking out stories that I hope are decipherable by the students in my charge.

Sore Neck

I want you to try something. Sit up nice and straight. Now turn your head to the left. Now keep it there for a bunch of hours every day. What you will find is that your head will eventually tell you “Well, it’s about time I fall off now”.

Sore Bottom

I have to say it. At times when it’s gotten really bad I’ve tried reading aloud while standing up, which it one of the most ridiculous things a person can do and looks kinda like this.

Sore Arm

What if bullfighters didn’t just hold up those capes during the bull fight, but for the majority of the day? They would need that Shaq icy hot electrode machine just to brush their teeth. That’s me.

Sore Hand

Look, I’ve covered this one before, so I don’t want to belabor the point, but after years of desperately clinging on the very bottom edge of books (so as not to interfere with the pictures) my hand is a shell of its former self.

And you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way.

In the comments, please list any pathetic read aloud injuries you’ve suffered.

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