Encyclopedia Britannica to Be Rebranded ‘Christmas Tree Britannica’
The following is a work of fiction.
In a shocking move, Encyclopædia Britannica, a name synonomous with knowledge the world over, is getting out of the information business. They will soon be rebranded “Christmas Tree Britannica” and sell sets of books to be used solely for holiday decoration.
“The information biz is rough these days”, says Britannica CEO Rupert Clarkee, “we stopped making print encyclopedias in 2010 and it’s difficult to keep the lights on selling our online encyclopedia and databases.” Clarkee credits “a glass of wine and some late night Pinterest surfing” for his completely unexpected rebranding scheme.
“All we’re going to do now is sell kits for libraries to make book stack Christmas trees. We have a ton of ’em laying around our warehouse. Our goal is to become the premiere encyclopedia Christmas tree company. The Deluxe Supreme kit comes with a strand of LED lights and a boom box that plays Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want for Christmas Is You’. All for the low price of $13,999.00.”
When asked why the kit costs six times the price of one of their old print encyclopedia sets, Clarkee again noted “the LED lights and boom box.”
(Image credit: Day 134 – 365, My book Christmas Treeeee for 2012 by Nina Matthews Photography, http://flic.kr/p/bbCsgV)
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About Travis Jonker
Travis Jonker is an elementary school librarian in Michigan. He writes reviews (and the occasional article or two) for School Library Journal and is a member of the 2014 Caldecott committee. You can email Travis at firstname.lastname@example.org, or follow him on Twitter: @100scopenotes.
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