In an unprecedented move, the Children’s Literature Commissioner has declared that all new books must give the impression they are What Does the Fox Say? sequels.
At a press conference this morning, the Commissioner appeared wearing sunglasses in the shape of dollar signs to outline his controversial plan.
“Have you seen this yet?” said the giddy Commissioner, before clicking play on the What Does the Fox Say? YouTube video and three of its remixes.
“The picture book based on this video is currently at the top of the New York Times Bestseller List. Numero uno. From here on out, all picture books are required to have a What Does the (blank) Say? title.”
When questioned about misleading buyers, the Commissioner was defensive.
“Hey, we’re not saying these books will be sequels. But we’re also not not saying that. If money ends up in our pockets, who am I to say no?”
The Commissioner went on to explain that all new picture books be required to adhere to the guidelines, and older books must be updated to meet compliance. When questioned on the decision to give new titles to classic picture books, the Commissioner was defiant.
“Please, I don’t want to hear any complaining, it’s easy. Where the Wild Things Are becomes What Does the Brat Say? Boom. Done. Easy. Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? becomes What Do Brown Bear’s Eyes Say? Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs? What Culinary-Related Things Does the Sky Say? Chicka Chicka Boom Boom could be What Does the Offscreen Narrator Say? This isn’t difficult.”
The Commissioner also explained that wordless books could just add the word “not” before the word “say”.
(This is a work of fiction)