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Children's Lit Commish: 'No More Non-Series Books'

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The following is a work of fiction.

In a shocking move that is sure to make waves for some time to come, the Children’s Literature Commissioner announced today that all newly published books must be part of a series.

Explaining his decision by asserting, “The more, the merrier”, and “Godfather III is totally underrated”, the commissioner was resolute in his decision.

“Look at the most talked about books these days.”  said the increasingly erratic commissioner, “Catching Fire – sequel. The Last Olympian – sequel. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t love to see Where the Wild Things Are Too – Gettin’ Wilder.”

In an effort to ease the blow of this unexpected news, the commissioner explained, “Probably 72% of new books are series titles anyway. Look, this is the way things were going, I just want us to be ahead of the curve.”

The commissioner also announced that this so called “sequelification” would be retroactive dating back one year, leaving children’s lit authors and publishers scrambling to come up with follow-ups to books that were once considered stand-alone stories.

The release of some of these titles, including The Graveyard Book II – What if it was All a Dream?, and We Are the Ship: Still Floatin’ have already been announced.

In an effort to ease the burdon, the commissioner added, “#1 Stickers will be available for purchase to place on the spines of your books. Look at it this way – now a good story will never have to end.”

Click the links below to read previous Children’s Lit Commish posts:

Children’s Lit Commish: ‘All Books Will Actually Just Be Videos By 2012?

Children’s Lit Commish: ‘No Blogging Allowed at Blog Conference’

Children’s Lit Commish: ‘No More Non-Famous Authors’

Children’s Lit Commish: ‘No More Adaptations’

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About Travis Jonker

Travis Jonker is an elementary school librarian in Michigan. He writes reviews (and the occasional article or two) for School Library Journal and is a member of the 2014 Caldecott committee. You can email Travis at scopenotes@gmail.com, or follow him on Twitter: @100scopenotes.

Comments

  1. Cindy Dobrez says:

    I’m relieved to hear this news. I was afraid that trilogies were a dying breed. So glad to know that their future is safe and mandated. NCBLB: No Children’s Book Left Behind.

  2. The commissioner is clearly a man of great vision and sagacity. Now we won’t have to waste all our reading energy on those annoying new books! Much better to just keep going with all those characters we already know and love. We may have to spell out the rules for award committees a little differently to clear up the sequel question but hey – everyone knows that our committees need to move with the times and adapt to suit the needs of the new century.

    I can see it now!

    Mike Mulligan and Mary Ann Rise from the (coal) Ashes
    Speak 2 – Sit and Roll Over
    Tender Morsels 2 – Tough Chews
    Tuesday 2 – Wednesday

  3. Scope Notes says:

    Yep, this appears to be a victory for lovers of trilogies, quartets, sagas, and never ending epics everywhere.

  4. Scope Notes says:

    Haha! You’re right – this decision is clearly genius on a number of levels.

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